Attachment dating style

attachment dating style-7
And the avoidant is constantly overwhelmed by someone who’s anxious.As a result, s/he keeps pulling away which activates the anxious person’s fear of rejection and attention seeking behaviors.

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They need a lot of time to themselves and may have had a partner say they’re afraid of commitment.Securely attached individuals tend to couple with other securely attached people and form healthy, lasting relationships.This leaves people with anxious attachment styles and avoidant attachment styles over-represented in the dating pool.They can also reciprocate and meet their partners’ needs.Those with an avoidant attachment style want more independence.At first glance, it seems like two anxiously attached individuals or two people with avoidant attachment styles would make good matches.However, when we look more closely at the unconscious motivations that drive our behavior, we see that these matches have some problems and that we’re much more likely to be attracted to someone with the opposite attachment style.Too much closeness feels vulnerable and suffocating to someone with an avoidant attachment.They tend to connect and then pull away when the relationship feels too intense.Consciously it makes no sense for an anxious and avoidant to connect, but unconsciously this pattern keeps those strongly ingrained internal beliefs about ourselves intact.In other words, we recreate relationship dynamics similar to those we had with our parents because they’re familiar, reinforce our beliefs about ourselves, and we’re trying to get our needs met in the best ways we know how.


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