When he dumped me, I felt my heart would never mend, and three years later, I still struggle with that relationship loss.
I was hoping he would want me back some time later when another guy was interested in me.
Yet we torment ourselves by toying with it ahead of time.
And what's so troubling in all of this is that when premarital sexual activity is the norm, we think a man isn't marriage material if we don't feel like bedding him before the wedding. My suggestion is to step back from the relationship a bit (if only in your mind) to see if there is a friendship there.
(On the contrary, the good ones do.) I think the problem, though, is that we look for chemistry prematurely, and we have unrealistic expectations of how far it can take us.
The way you describe your first relationships sounds like a description of a honeymoon season.True friendship is rich soil for nurturing attraction.And attraction is ripe for fostering chemistry after the wedding.Chemistry is, I think, a polite way of saying sexual attraction.And biblically, that's something we're supposed to save for marriage.Chemistry in a relationship is like a performance; one is electrifying and another is boring.But no matter what, for love’s sake, you have to keep working at it to make it better.It's only recently in human history that we've put chemistry front-and-center.Three times Song of Solomon urges, "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (2:7, 3:5, 8:4).That admonishment is there because God made us sexual beings who, when aroused, are wired to be sexually intimate.And the only proper context for that intimacy is marriage. Budziszewski used in a Boundless article of a man putting one foot to the floor on the accelerator, while using all his strength in the other to hold the brake down. It's only after marriage that you can legitimately hit the accelerator and go all the way.