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” If she refuses to, just kindly say, “Are you sure? A friend of mine was pregnant, and her due date is January 24, 2015. Picture this: my friend said the husband, who is a successful lawyer, will read Curious George to the baby by putting his mouth right up to the hole in the incubator, then show the baby the pictures. Instead of trying to do a million and one types of kindnesses, and feeling overwhelmed, they realized what they love to do, what they’re good at doing, and they do it so well.” If you guys had written to me, “We love listening to our friend until all hours of the night. We just want to make sure it’s ok for our friend,” I would tell you, “It’s not good for your friend to be taught that she can manipulate to get her way.” But you’re also telling me that you feel overwhelmed. That’s not following the dictum “Love your fellow person as you love yourself.” So, to recap: 1.We’d sure love to have you out there with us in the fresh air! Treat your friend in a wheelchair just as you would a friend not in a wheelchair. It’s kind to teach friends when they are hurting us/overwhelming us/annoying us, etc., so they don’t continue doing that to us and to others. We are supposed to take care of others, and we are also supposed to take care of ourselves. And kindness starts with taking care of the caretaker—ourselves—so that we have the wherewithal to continue to care for others. Forgive me, but being the sister of a person in a wheelchair makes one LESS able to speak "insensitively" about this, because of the very real issue of sibling rivalry.
My friends and family have always been wonderful to me, and I don't feel left out when they want to go off and do something I can't take part in such as running.It’s very important to do chesed—to do kindness for others. In order to have the strength and the stamina to take care of others, we have to take care of ourselves, and then treat others as well as we treat ourselves.In fact, the verse in the Torah says, “Love your fellow person as you love yourself.” We are obligated to be kind to others. Not going outside for recess is not taking care of yourself.We like this other girl, and we enjoy being friends with her.The thing is, that it sometimes gets to be too much for us.We really have to go to sleep, but we feel so bad for her! Sometimes we’re tired in school the next day because we stayed on the phone with her, trying to be there for her. We’re just not sure what to do because we like her, but she’s overwhelming us a little. They wouldn’t do that to their other children, so why should they do that to her?Also, it’s really hard to always hear how down and sad she is, and how hard everything is for her. If we feel sorry for someone, and through our feeling sorry for them, we enable them to do bad things, what kind of a friend are we?Staying up too late because your friend is talking to you about her sadness and pain is not taking care of yourself.Yes, you should talk to her and listen to her, but there have to be boundaries whereby you take care of yourself, as well.I think you should listen to her for a few minutes when she starts complaining, empathize with her, validate her feelings, then say, “Can we talk about something else now? (He’s actually doing quite well now, thank God.) Needless to say, this baby is still in the hospital. And there is a couple who lives near the hospital whose “kindness strength” is bikur cholim—visiting the sick. You should even do kindness when it feels uncomfortable.” And when she doesn’t want to go out for recess, I would say, “Come on out with us! This couple goes to the hospital every single night and reads books to my friend’s baby, and says Shema with him. My friend said: “This couple figured out which kindness they’re really good at, which kindness they love to do, and they’re good at doing. But you shouldn’t do kindness in a way that overwhelms you on a regular basis.